If you are once again looking at your life and wondering why you can’t make the changes that you really want, the key is to look beneath the surface. Most of us will find a secret saboteur lurking there. The saboteur is never evil, just scared. Curiosity and Love are the two attitudes that will help you convert the saboteur into an ally.
Wondering why you’re always so angry and no amount of resolving makes you control yourself? Chances are there has been some injury to you that you have not fully resolved. You may think you have because whatever happened was a long time ago, and besides you forgave whoever did it. But there are layers to forgiveness and until you face and express the feelings that got buried back then, you can’t get free.
Maybe you are not the angry type. You may struggle with depression or anxiety instead. Or maybe you numb out through one or more addictions. The same advice applies. If you are struggling with something that persists longer or seems more than what a situation warrants, you probably are dealing with something buried and it will be to your advantage to get acquainted with your saboteur.
What kind of injuries are buried? For one in four girls, one in six boys, the statistics say it’s sexual abuse. For many others it’s physical or emotional abuse. For others it’s neglect. These are serious injuries and they have far reaching negative effects but you can heal from those traumas, if you are willing to face what happened with courage and learn a new way to treat yourself. For other people, the injuries were not so dire but they still hurt and they still left scars. The good news is that you can relatively easily heal the scarred thought process if you are willing to explore with tenderness and persistence.
If you suspect or know that you have been abused, don’t tell yourself it’s all in the past because it’s not. Seek the help of a seasoned professional. I particularly recommend hypnotherapy because I have seen profound healing repeatedly using that modality. Even if you haven’t been abused, if your behavior is causing you problems, get some help and make the liberating connection with your secret saboteur.
Lee
Such great advice Jane. The little work I did with you and Teri over a couple of years sprurred me on to continue looking at my saboteur. A year ago I completed yet another layer of the onion with the “Courage to Heal” class. Encouraged by a good friend I was once again enabled to release old thinking…coming out the otherside with even a greater sense of peace, and a deeper connection to Spirit. The quest to liberate ones self is a daily awakening. Sometimes a moment to moment journey to the center of my heart. Forgiveness is for me….no one else. I love who I am today!
Jane Meyers
Thank you for this beautiful response, Lee. You are beautiful in every way. I love what you say about the daily awakening. I too believe that we don’t arrive but we continue to travel on this journey of life, discovering–or liberating–more bits of our true wonders all along the way!
Nada
Jane, as you know, I am living proof of how powerful hypnosis is in healing layer after layer of pain, anger, repetitive behaviors, fear, lack of self confidence, insecurities, anxiety, depression and confusion that has resulted from my past abuse. I am always amazed each time I find another layer to explore and resolve. I am so grateful for the difference you have made in my life with hypnosis and therapy. I am blessed to have you on my team to be able to call on as I progress. Thank You!
Jane Meyers
Nada, you are an inspiration to us all with your devotion to your healing process. Like a beautiful flower, you just keep blossoming more with every year! I am honored to have had a role.
Gary in NYC
Jane, thank you for this little article. It is small, but touches on a very big concept. A very important one, I think.
I’ve been struggling with issues in my life for a very long time. Very small, subtle ones. At times I can be very happy, but for the most part there would be this “blanket of gray” over me. A soft depression that would intensify under certain circumstances (like a failure or an illness). I tried to deal with it in the conventional sense, by seeing a therapist. His focus is in behavioral therapy, which I feel has a lot of merit. But, when we were finding the techniques not really working, he suggested a pharmaceutical route. I started taking an anti-depressant drug. But rather than help me, it altered my behavior in a peculiar, subtle way. I just didn’t feel like myself. And it wasn’t really helping anyway.
What I began to see is that behavior cannot change if the crux of what is causing it is not addressed. It’s like trying to put out a candle by starving it of oxygen. Yes, you can get the flame to lower, but it is still there, because the wick is strong, wound tightly over the many years. Even if you snuff out the flame, the glowing ember continues until the oxygen returns and ignites once again.
I did all kinds of self-analysis. I came to know all of the trauma points in my life. And despite all that, I wasn’t getting through my dysfunction. When I got laid off after our company went under, things exacerbated. All of those subtle issues came closer to the surface. And my tendency to avoid responsibility intensified. I was lucky not to have a wife, children, or heavy financial obligations. But in a way, it gave me the flexibility to let go… and not take charge. Until, my funds would run out and I’d be nearing financial catastrophe.
Finally the epiphany came. And when I saw your article, it only confirmed it for me. What has been missing is that I have been angry at myself for all of my short comings. I’ve not been able to forgive myself for not being stronger, and not becoming what I wanted to be. I have been my own worst enemy. My own “secret saboteur”. I took that phrase and searched… and found myself here. And now, my path is clear. I have to forgive myself. Make peace so that I can make progress. If I don’t… well, the saboteur will succeed, but in the end harm the only person who really matters. Me.
Jane Meyers
Gary, Thank you so much for this thoughtful honest comment. I send you healing thoughts for that process of self-forgiveness. In my experience, there is also the need for self-love and self-protection that is necessary. You mentioned being familiar with all the trauma points. To really shift you have to feel them not just know about them. If you ever feel like you’d like some help doing that, I work with people by phone using hypnosis. In that inner state you can remember, feel, forgive and tell yourself a healing story that changes the outcome in the present.
Blessings!
Jane